My heart is aching. 🙁 We’ve been living in our new home for over a week now, but I’m still badly missing my old home in Makati. Not that I don’t like living where we are now, I really love it! I love being a homemaker, and being in charge of every single detail in our tiny household. I even love scrubbing the bathroom tiles and toilet. But I miss my old home, the familiarity of my life there, and most especially my family and my cat. I miss waking up in my old bed, going out of my room and seeing my mom, dad or sister there, the DZMM jingles on TV which Jacob has loved from birth, the meowing of Mingming, ordering lunch from Eissen’s and eating champorado with Mami, the sunsets from our balcony, the warm light in my bedroom, the sound of the train, the lights of Skyway, our kind security guards, walking to Waltermart for just one grocery item, the vibe of Makati, that feeling when we get home and it’s a relief to enter our bedroom, and knowing that I can have someone stay in bed with me with just one phone call for the times I’m being paranoid because JC is working late. I miss the memories I made there, bringing Jacob home from the hospital, setting up his crib, movie nights with Gemma, long conversations on the dining table with my parents, watching shows together, bonding every weekend and JC and I sharing our first kiss in my bed.
I love my old home, and I’m glad it’s only 8.5 kilometers away and we can still sleep over whenever we want. I’m glad that we’re not forced to migrate and be away from our families, because JC and I are so attached to our families that I doubt if we can last a year in another country. It’s hard to move into your own place, but there are so many lessons to be learned by doing so. It’s been a long time coming but we’ve unlocked some serious adulting powers by doing this, and I know it may sound absurd to others and the older generation but it’s really, really painful to leave! I always tell myself that I’ll forever be grateful to God for giving me a family that is so hard to separate from. But also thankful that my mom, dad or sister is just a phone call away, and nobody has to fly or travel for more than 7 hours to be with us.
So okay, this is hard and I expect a period of adjustment and the separation anxiety to last for weeks, but I know we’ll be okay. God brought us here, He made all of this possible. And He said, “for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” I, we, just have to trust Him, and entrust our difficult emotions to Him, like this terrible longing I’m feeling now.
PS– It’s my birthday tomorrow and it’s the first time Mommy is away on my birthday and that makes me a bit sad but it’s more important that she’s with Tito Ernie now and I’m just feeling like a 5 year old.